A great blog!

I found this blog a month or two ago and have been obsessed with it. Rixa, the author, just had her 2nd child at home and the last few posts are awesome.
Stand and Deliver is the blog title.

Mothering Magazine

Some of my favorite Mothering articles:

Charlotte's grace, a story about a stillbirth

Cesarean Birth in a culture of fear one of the best articles on c-sections and VBACs I have seen. The original is in the Sept/Oct. 2007 and had some good pictures with it.

Leave your car seat in the car , a great article on simply holding your baby instead of lugging around the obnoxious car seat

Primal Love , a beautiful, poetic piece about the love a mother has for a newborn.

Mothering is a fantastic magazine! I love the stories relating to natural birth and breastfeeding, though the magazine covers a wide range of topics.

I'd like to get a subscription but it's a little pricey. For now the library copies will have to do, as well as the online ones.

"Your bed"-- a matress commercial from Spain

This is a commercial for a matress! Love it!
Here's the translation:
Mom:"We spoke and we decided that the best option would be for our
> daughter to be born in our bed, in our home."
> Dad: "It's the place where our first son was born. repeating this in
> the same bed is important."
> Mom: " It's a miracle, isn't it? That there is one life inside
> another and you are going to help it be born. And being able to do
> this how you want, in the place that you want, in your home."
> Dad: "You relate to the space in a much more intimate way."
> Midwife: "Slowly, slowly."
> Mom: "There is a light, a smell, a heat in this space when a new
> life comes that is just so special."
> Flex slogan: "Your bed. The most important place in the world."



Yes, the bed is one of the most important places in the world. Good things happen there. I don't think it's a crazy idea that birth is one of those good things.

I read this the other day in my current childbirth read, Silent Knife:

"The cesarean mother is at a decided disadvantage; she is a mother, yes, but she has not given birth. Having lost control over her childbirth experience, she is likely to feel cheated, disappointed, angry, frustrated, guilty, regretful, helpless, and depressed. In addition, she may experience a sense of failure, distaste for her scar, and envy of those who have given birth vaginally.
....
On the other hand, the new cesarean mother may feel fine, be delighted with her baby, and take her departure from the hospital without any extraneous emotional baggage. The woman who readily accepts her Cesarean experience is not necessarily healthier, just different".

Wow. When I read that first paragraph, I was nodding my head in agreement. I feel like I have not given birth (and I haven't really--I've had my children surgically removed from me). I have felt cheated, disappointed, angry, frustrated, guilty, regretful and helpless. I wouldn't say depressed because I don't think it's gone that far. I do have a sense of failure, distaste for my scar, and envy those who have given birth, especially if they have been happily induced and numbed from the epidural, and have taken for granted that awesome power to give birth. I feel like I'm willing to go through pain to give birth but so far I haven't had that experience.

I have read some people's accounts of how they haven't been able to bond with the baby after a Cesarean, either immediately or even for a long time. I can say this isn't my case. Although I wasn't able to bond with Audrey immediately because she was separated from me for the first 5 days of her life, I loved her so fiercely and was so mindful of her that I felt bonded to her. And she has honestly been the delight of my life these past ten months. I love her so much, and I feel we are very deeply bonded. I think breastfeeding has helped with that. I can tell she loves me and thinks the world of me, even if she doesn't even know how to think those words yet. Today I was changing into my sports bra and she was in the room with me. She seriously got so excited and clapped when she saw me topless! Trust me, I'm no site to behold, but she was plenty happy to see me. She got a little mad when I finished getting dressed and didn't nurse her.

My delight in her and my joy over her has helped heal many of those negative feelings associated with my c-section, but it was astounding to read that list and think "Yes, I've felt that, and that, yes, yes, yes!"

And yet for my friends who haven't felt that, I think it is perfectly normal. We all experience things differently. I would never want to make someone who feels fine about their Cesarean section feel bad. That's why it's hard to talk about the negative feelings with others because I don't want to cause offense. But that's also why I love my ICAN group because I can talk with other mom's who feel the same way. I don't feel like I'm harping on my feelings or festering negative feelings. I've really needed to work through them, instead of just trying to move on. In fact, many of those negative feelings are gone, but some still linger. Talking about everything that has happened has been very therapeutic for me.

I must say my life now is very good and I am filled with joy. I have the most adorable baby in the world, and through the negative experience of her birth, I have come to be a self proclaimed birth activist and am on my way to helping other women as a doula as they experience the wonder of childbirth. I am also going on this journey to help prepare me mentally for a chance to experience it also.

First Daughter

I read this poem today in a book called Mothers and Daughters, a Poetry Celebration.

First Daughter

This is a bond more tightly sealed,
this sharing the task of childbirth
with an infant who may someday know the same.

--Maureen Tolman Flannery